That Which Does Not Kill Us, Makes Us Drink

Well, today didn't make me drink.  Just cry.  Kids can be so mean.  We all know this.  And today several of my students made some very poor choices.  Choices that hurt others deeply...... emotionally.  And as I had to sit and explain those choices to the mother of one of the hurt children, I cried.  She cried.  I just kept thinking, "What if this had happened to my daughter?'  And I cried.

I don't think becoming a mother eight years ago has made me a better teacher.  But it has changed the way I look at my students.  I always think, "What if this happened to my child?"  And becoming a mother has REALLY changed the way I look at parents.  Today, as I called a parent of a child who said something very hurtful and derogatory to another student, I became absolutely enraged.  The mother replied, "What provoked him?"  As if such language would ever be justified!  Of course, this explains a lot, doesn't it?  And not that it matters, but the child was not provoked in any way whatsoever.  He was just being cruel.  There will be no consequences for this child.  In this parent's eyes, I am the enemy.  I am "out to get" her child.  But if he had been the victim today, I would have been crying there with her.  But he is never the victim.  (Well, if you ask her you will probably get a different opinion.)

Days like today suck the life out of you.  Your heart aches for the children that are hurt.  But your heart also aches for the children that are allowed to continue to behave in ways that harm others.  As teachers, we can only do so much during the six and a half hours, 180 days per year they are with us.  It's a losing battle much of the time.  I'm not saying it isn't worth trying - of course you always try.  Every once in a while you do make a dent.  But you can only take so much before you need to cry.  Or drink.  Or both.  ;-)

Coping

This first month of school has really made me think about stress and coping. I have heard the research that shows teaching is second in stress only to air traffic control. This is due to the constant decisions we must make every second. You know, all of the crazy management stuff - this kid has to go to the bathroom, that one has a stomach ache, the other one is poking his neighbor, the one next to that one is picking his nose and eating it - and you are supposed to be teaching. Let's not even get started on all of the decisions we make during a lesson!

But that kind of stress doesn't really get to me; at least I don't think it does. What gets me is the politics. Paulo Freire said, "Education IS politics." It's so true, and on so many levels. Of course there is all of the usual garbage at the state and federal level, not to mention the district. But it's the stuff that happens on site that I think is the most stressful and really takes its toll on teachers. When people forget why they are teachers in the first place and begin to focus on utilizing their positions for questionable reasons, it can have devastating effects. When I see these things happen, I always think back on my friend Judy Lewis, who was a teacher/trainer in my district. She would always ask the question, no matter what issue we were wrestling with, "How is this going to help kids?" I try to keep that focus, but it is very difficult at times.

As Susan Ohanian puts it, "Let's stop focusing on the hole and pay more attention to the bagel." Good advice indeed.